I wonder as I wander...

Stick to it.
Stay focused.
Keep your head in the game.
Eyes on the prize.

Countless aphorisms direct us toward single-mindedness. This "goal oriented" or "task oriented" person we are supposed to be is pulled in a million and one different directions by the complexities of everyday life. If you can't multitask you might as well not procreate. Or step outside of your house. Because in the real world, we're forced to throw ourselves from one activity to the next hoping our body remembers to take big breaths, we remember to eat, and that we are above all BLESSED.

I've always felt torn. Torn between going to art school and an academic career (UM grad 2008). Torn between painting and poetry. Torn between practical decisions and idealism. We're supposed to suck it up and choose, right? A real man makes a decision and regardless of how terrible its outcome, sticks with it, takes accountability for his wrong-doings; counts his losses. Bullshit. These clever one-liner responses to complex situations only serve to keep you unhappy. Why would you stick with something that didn't completely fulfill you? Why are such ridiculous cliches perpetuated that back young, ambitious individuals like me into some imagined corner? Why should we accept the advice of others when anyone who's really lived has already admitted "they had to learn the hard way"?

So please, let me.
Let me divulge in activities that make me happy. I can paint and write. I shouldn't have to choose. Being an adult doesn't mean being bitter because of the poor choices you've made. It just means making your own (however) stupid choices. I am recently beginning to truly understand the headache money gives you- or rather, the headache of not having it; the headache of unpaid bills. No one is even pretending it gets better from here on out.

But if I change my mind a thousand times, let me.
If I only focus on one activity long enough until it leads me to the next, so what?
I understand that with adulthood there is no required declaration of laissez faire because at this point you answer to no one (only respectfully allowing others to know of the decisions, not to make them).
And I was told recently, by someone I deeply respect, that being a grown up is far better accomplished by not referring to (however milestone) activities as "grown up" ones.
In my art, and my life, I tend to be very process-oriented.
It is about the journey and not the destination.

No, I won't "stick to it." Adventure waits off the beaten path. Wander around a little, you might just find it. Another silly cliche goes:

Not all who wander are lost.

So maybe I'll just take some time to check out the scenery. Don't come looking for me.