Duty to society AND self

I have come to conclude that I truly do not beliveve in coincidences. The interconnectedness of the events in my life cannot possibly be credited to chance! While yesterday's entry sparked the beginning of the turning over of a new heavy leaf (the kind that sits on your chest like a baby grand), I knew very well that I was just declaring the change and will not be loosed of the baby grand till I've managed a leverage that can slowly pry it off of me.

This is a new thought that applies intimately to my current situation:

Sometimes, when we feel like we are taking on the burden of a personal problem, let the baby grand park its weight directly on top of our consciousness, we think we are doing the right thing. The Bible even tells us to forgive, and Lauryn Hill sang it beautifully even when she said, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." All of these indicators point toward forgiving others. At church one time a certain Pastor Steve delivered an entire sermon on forgiveness stating that if you forgive someone you must also ask for their forgiveness for not having forgiven. Which made sense to me at the time. But I think I can say about myself especially that we forget to forgive ourselves. I think of the piano as a just punishment and that I can bear the silent burden. Here is where the new thought comes in:
Say that this piano is not just your piano and you're not the only person who is under it. How selfish would it be to continue living underneath this heavy burden without even trying to help others out from under it?

Now your personal problem is no longer just your problem. And if you do not handle it accordingly, you are being selfish.

With regard to what was written yesterday, I'd like to make an amendment. There are not two dichotomous options as to how to move on post conflict. In one article I read today from the United Nations Human Rights news it said that "...studies conclude that if justice and accountability are to underpin the quest for durable peace and security, they must apply to women too. The studies point to an urgent need to re-think what has been created in the fields of formal justice and post-conflict social and economic order." Justice AND accountability. Peace AND security. Social AND economic order.

Prosecute AND heal? Maybe this is a better approach.
Today, I am consulting with an excellent criminal lawyer to see if this is the best option. Because apparently the new leaf of a baby grand piano is not just weighing heavily on me.

Apparently, one has a duty to society AND self to prosecute those who have wronged them. (This I am learning.)

A Pye Nou Ye

In the spirit of the holiday season, I'm making a special blogging attempt:

Today it starts. It is always said that- you're not done till you're done. So I've decided I'm finally done with bad habits and my rebelwithoutacause ways.

In the book "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk he says that "until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against." I think this characterizes our adolescence, and sometimes lingers into adulthood. I've finally managed to put an aim to certain projects and ideas (that I seem to produce in excess, but less of which manifest). Of course, I will still be fighting against things- injustice, bureaucracy, the powers that be- but I will transform this restlessness into a more constructive energy.

Countries in which terrible crimes against humanity have occurred have options to safeguard their human rights: reconciliation, the reconstruction of a collective memory so that history will not repeat itself; and persecution that itself, serves a similar purpose of retribution. I think once you make the distinction as to which serves your purpose, then you're making steps forward. Do you count your losses and begin to heal- OR- do you try to take down those who have wronged you? As I undergo transformation with disposable New Year's Resolutions to loosely structure the dawning of a new year of incredible adventure and possibility bubbling just under the surface, I recall a saying I learned a few years ago at the Haitian Church I used to (and sometimes still do) attend:

A PYE NOU YE.

It sounds like you're saying "Happy New Year!" with an accent, but it translates to- "We are on our feet," which is what everyone says to each other, to say that at least we are still on our feet.

The 9-5pm grind may have mellowed me considerably, and "practicality" makes frequent cameos is conversations and future planning, but I have not lost the fight in me. I approach the new year through an adult lens that is panoramic in scope. I'm fighting against complacency and for all of the things I believe in, which are many. But I'm still standing, which means I have a lot to truly be grateful for. Turning potential into kinetic this new year... still standing.